Goddess of the Dance

by on July 4th, 2010

I know, it sounds crazy, but dancing is a wonderful way to break out of your shell when you are single. Dancing is an expressive exercise that appeals to many people, but many singles are too afraid to walk onto the dance floor and show off their moves. Some singles hate dancing in general and that’s fine. However, singles who want to dance should go for it.

Some of you are probably nervous about dancing in front of people. I know what you mean because at one time I was a very horrible dancer. In fifth grade, my idea of dancing was to kick really high in the air and clap. Luckily, a kid in high school who helped chaperon the DARE Jamboree stopped laughing long enough to teach me how to do the twist. Many years later, I decided to step into my first Hispanic dance class and learned how to Bachata and Cubria. I taught myself how to Salsa through videos online.

I decided to put my skills to the test by attending La Fiesta Latina in a nearby city. It’s a festival which celebrates the region’s Hispanic heritage. Was I nervous? Definitely! However, I had a group of friends from China and Vietnam with me, so I decided to teach them how to do a few simple dances. One girl from Vietnam knew how to Salsa, so we gave it a shot and I learned that I had some skills. One guy from Mexico saw my dance skills and asked if he could dance with me. I was extremely nervous since he grew up knowing most of the dances I learned a few weeks earlier, but I noticed something while I was dancing. Everyone was so focused on their own dances they basically ignored me even when I did mess up on a few steps. Yes, a few people complimented my dance moves, but for the most part they were focused on their own moves.

Dancing is all about having fun and not caring about whether or not someone hates the way you dance. Some of my dance moves may be a little unorthodox, but as long as you are having fun and following the beat then don’t worry about it. Everyone at one time or another was new to dancing, so don’t worry about whether or not you can shake it like Beyoncee.

If you are concerned, then take some dance lessons and unleash the dancer within. This is not just for the ladies. Guys who like to dance are hard to find and guys who dance very well are slightly harder to find. Therefore, if you are a guy and thinking about learning a few dance moves, then I’m sure a few ladies out there would appreciate meeting a guy who doesn’t mind hitting the dance floor.

There are many other benefits to dancing as well. Dancing can help you relax and have fun after a rough day. It can help you stay in shape when you do it for long amounts of time on a regular basis. Also, dancing can sometimes lead to encounters with other attractive singles. So, get out there and shake your booty! Join a dance class or watch a few dance videos to learn some new moves. Go out there and have some fun.

Promises

by on July 1st, 2010

After becoming single, many of us decide to make promises. We promise we would never fall in love with people who are like our ex’s. We promise to move forward with our lives and go after many of our goals. We promise to remain single and take our time with our future relationships. There are so many promises, but do we really stick with them?

Promises to ourselves and to others are great, but it takes a very strong person to live by his/her promise. After all, we are only human and it’s normal to occasionally break a promise. However, I really do believe in the idea of history repeating itself if we do not learn from it. If we do not learn to change the road we are on right now, then we may end up repeating the same mistakes.

One of the most common promises from my experience is the promise that many people make once they become single. Many people promise they will take some time for themselves and not fall into another relationship quickly. I could tell you dozens of stories about my friends or family members who became single, promised to take their time with relationships, and they end up going maybe…a couple of weeks at most before falling in love with someone. Now, there are some exceptions to the rule of course. There are some people who meet their soulmates after a break-up and end up getting married and living happily ever after. Those experiences are great, but at the same time these individuals also took their time and went slow with their relationships instead of thinking about moving into an apartment after the third date.

Another very common promise I’ve heard is the promise not to go back to someone. I know of one experience in particular of a woman who went back to her ex after dating my friend for a while. She allegedly started bashing my friend to everyone else and my friend promised to never go out with her ever again. One year later, my friend won a settlement and word got to the ex. Three weeks after he was told how much money he would receive from the settlement, the lady called him up and asked if they could “be friends”. Eventually, he spent thousands of dollars on her and her friend. After his windfall disappeared, she went back to her ex and left him.

Was it a dumb decision on my friend’s part? I think so, but sometimes attraction can blind people to the true motives of individuals. Yes, I do know that some people who go back to their ex’s can end up in successful relationships. I congratulate those people for giving love another shot. However, this is not always the case when it comes to relationships.

It’s nice to make promises. They can really help us focus on what we want in life. Before you make a promise, I want you to think about whether or not you can seriously stick with it. Think about why you want to make this promise. Is it because you really want to live by it? Or, is it because that’s’ what everyone else wants you to do? We are human and sometimes we tend to break promises. Sometimes, broken promises are a good thing while other times they can lead to tons of trouble. So, think about the purpose of making a promise to yourself and try to make promises which will truly help you in the long run.

Single’s Playlist: Celebrate Being Single

by on June 29th, 2010

One of the quickest ways to boost your mood is through music. There are many educational websites which reinforce the idea that music can alter your mood, reduce the feelings of distress or depression, boost self-esteem, or it can even help you reduce stress.

What does music have to do with you being single? Music can help you control your moods. If you want to release your inner turmoil from a break-up, divorce, etc. then you can use music to help you release your negative emotions and speed up the process of adjusting to the single life. If you need some encouragement, then music can help you boost your vibes and improve your outlook on the single life. If you are already very chipper, then music can help you maintain your happiness.

The best way to do this is to create a few playlists. Playlists are basically organized lists of music. In the case of creating a single’s playlist, you may want to sort them by what type of mood you want to feel. Place all of the more depressing music in one playlist, place all of the happier music in another playlist, etc. You can use any type of music that you like for the playlists. If you don’t have enough music on your computer, then go online and create a few playlists. You can create video playlists on YouTube or you can use websites such as Playlist.com to create a few online playlists you can install on websites.

When you wake up in the morning, boost your mood with some positive music on your playlist. Download music onto your MP3 player and listen to some high energy music while you walk or drive to work or doing errands. If you’re really feeling down about something and need to release your emotions, then go to your room and feel free to listen to some music which helps you release your sadness, anger, jealousy, etc. It’s never healthy to keep your emotions bottled up or live in denial. However, music can help in many instances to enhance positive moods and motivate you to see the positive side of life.

Survive Being Single: The Love Game

by on June 21st, 2010

As I was chilling out at one of the forums I frequent, a single friend of mine said something that I thought was genius. She said for the next four weeks, she was going to pretend she was dating someone. What is the purpose of this? Mostly, it’s just to see what would happen. Will it boost someone’s confidence level? Will it attract a significant other or more positive events into a person’s life? Or, perhaps it might end with just four whole weeks of feeling positive about yourself.

If you are single, or just looking for something fun to do, then give this exercise a shot. Imagine you just started dating someone. You don’t have to have a particular person in mind, just go with the feeling. In fact, I recommend picking someone other than your ex because you don’t want to become dependent on your ex again.

Now, start channeling those positive feelings of starting a new relationship. Go out and buy a few new items to celebrate your new entry into dating. Start hitting the gym in order to impress your imaginary sweetheart. Make plans for what you want to do on a Friday night with your new lover. Do whatever you did the last time you started dating in order to build up your positive vibes once more.

If you have any single friends, invite them to play along as well. Get together each week and start having conversations about how well this exercise is working for you this week. It doesn’t have to necessarily be about manifesting a partner into your life. It can be about seeing how great you can feel even though you are still single. Besides, you never know when the office cutie will see how well you are dressing or notice how confident you are and decide to ask you out.

Positive Side of Break-Ups

by on June 18th, 2010

I’m not going to lie to you. It sucks being on the receiving end of a break-up. It sucks becoming single when you think everything is going well. There’s no getting around the fact that sometimes break-ups hurt.

However, there is an upside to each break-up. Okay, I know I’m crazy, but pick your jaw off the floor and listen to me. Being single can be a positive thing if you think about it. Love should be about mutual happiness, right? You don’t want to be with a partner who feels drained and tortured being with you, correct?

You now have the chance to find someone really amazing. You have the chance to manifest someone even better into your life. I know, some of you are probably thinking, He’s the perfect man! She’s the one! There’s no one else out there! Actually, people tend to fall into groups of personalities. While we may be unique in terms of our life experiences, many of us share similarities. Think about it, why do you think so many people believe Astrology is effective? It’s because many of the traits you read in horoscopes tend to fit many individuals and not just one or two.

It’s the same thing with traits. If you like something, then chances are other people like it as well. Granted, some things are more popular than others, but you have the opportunity to find someone who really fits what you are looking for in a partner. You are free to find another lover! Take some time to get over your past relationship, but remember you are now free to choose your new partner.

Let’s say you don’t want to find a new partner right now. Even better! No, I’m not joking. You are now able to do whatever you want in life. You no longer have to worry about what your partner will think. You are able to go out there and enjoy the single life by doing what you choose to do in life. You don’t have to worry about what your boyfriend will think if you transfer to the college of your dreams. You don’t have to worry about your girlfriend screaming at you for hanging out with friends at a bar or pub. Yes, those are extreme examples, but I think you get the point.

Whether you are the initiator of the break-up or the receiver, breaking-up is rarely a fun event. However, it does not have to be a completely bad thing. It’s a rare experience for first-loves to get married and live happily ever after. It’s not impossible, but it’s rare. So, in some ways break-ups can work in your favor. You are now free to do things in life and meet people you may never had considered before the break-up. So, after you are done mourning the loss of your relationship, I want you to ask yourself something: What do I want?

Single’s Tip: Girl’s Night In

by on June 17th, 2010

Is the weather horrible again? Man, I hate it when that happens! Or, maybe your car your won’t start. That’s a pain in the butt too. Or, perhaps your town is just too boring and you don’t have enough money to fly to Hawaii. Yeah, welcome to my world. That means there’s only one thing you can do: have a girl’s night in!

The inside world may seem boring to many singles, but they would be surprised at what they can do to have fun. Years ago, a friend and I were at her house when she had a fight with her ex. She was so depressed and frustrated, so she was not in the mood to go out and do things. I joked around about how most women would watch gladiator movies and eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. We realized it was a good idea and we ended up watching the movie 300 (gotta love Gerard Butler…call me!) while diving into a bag of assorted chocolate miniatures.

There are many activities that you can do within your house in order to spice up single’s night. Get together with a few friends in advance and start brainstorming activities. You can unlock the feminine side of you by planning a a small beauty party with manicures, pedicures, new hair styles, etc. You can host a movie night which focuses around a specific genre or theme (such as an attractive actor…cough). If you are looking for something more informative, you can play a few revealing games such as Truth or Dare or something a little more fun such as Apples to Apples. Yes, it might sound like kids stuff, but if you think it’s fun then go for it. Age is only a number.

For some of my fellow singles who are tomboys–and for the guys in the group–there are many activities you can do as well. Have a sports party and start cheering for you favorite teams. If not everyone agrees on a specific sports team to cheer for, then that makes the party even more interesting. Movie night is still a great activity for guys, tomboys, feminine women, etc. Personally, I’m all for having a Star Wars viewing party or even a special night for movies based off of Marvel or DC comics.

Here are some additional tips:

* Karaoke night
* Costume/Role playing night
* Video game night
* Book club (for some of the readers in the group)
* Swap night (which friends can bring some pieces of clothing, shoes, comics, etc. and trade with friends)
* Wine tasting (must be legal age, be responsible, and don’t drink and drive)
* Pot luck

Seriously, even if you and your friends are stuck indoors, you can have a ton of fun. Use your imagination and see what comes to mind. It might seem crazy at first, but give it a shot and who knows how much fun you will have when you host your own girl’s night in. It beats waiting by the phone hoping a certain Spartan king reads your mind and calls your phone.

Single’s Tip: Girl’s Night Out

by on June 16th, 2010

Breakups suck. In fact, they are so horrible many single people decide to hide in their rooms and write sappy ten-page letters to their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. I know, I was one of those people. My letters were probably longer than most of my college papers. That’s not counting the poems I’ve written about longing for my one true love, feeling betrayed, or trying to act cocky about “his loss”.

Let’s say you’ve been in your room for a while. People are calling your house wondering if you’re still alive. Your dog keeps hooking you up to a leash and trying to take you out for a walk. Kids stand outside your house daring one another to enter your house to see if a vampire lives in the attic. So, what does it take to get you out of your room and back into the real world?

One of the best things you can do in order to reenter society is to hold a girl’s night out. Humans are social animals and we need to get out there and talk to one another. We need to go and have fun with other human beings.

I know, it can be difficult to coordinate a girl’s night out when you feel down. That’s why you call one of your more social friends and ask them to help you get in touch with society. Ask her to help you plan a fun and exciting night on the town. Go see a movie, eat a great dinner, dance with your friends at a really awesome club, and do whatever comes to mind in terms of boosting your vibes.

Actually, that’s one of the main reasons to plan these nights outside of the house. Boosting your vibes will help you feel better about yourself and put on on the road to recovery in terms of getting over your ex. Even if you’re over your ex, a nice girl’s night out can make you feel even more positive about life. Not only that, but it’s great to hang out with your friends in general. Friends are wonderful people and sometimes we forget to spend time with our friends when we’re dating or in serious relationships.

What if your friends are busy? Well, unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you can go out and make some new friends. I know, it may seem odd at first, but why not ask a few co-workers you get along with to hang out with you at a nice restaurant after work? Why not invite a few of the girls in your dojo out for some frozen yogurt after class? A few of my friendships were made in the bathroom (while we were washing our hands).

Need some help boosting your self esteem for the big girl’s night out? Slip into your best outfit, slip on a little make-up if necessary, style your hair, listen to some positive music, repeat a few positive statements to yourself, and head out the door. Tonight is not about the lonely, dateless you. Tonight is all about the gorgeous, exciting you who is going to have the best night of her life with her friends.

The Crazy Power of Love

by on June 14th, 2010

It’s so easy to look at the crazy things other people have done and wonder, What were they thinking? People do all sorts of crazy things when they are in love, but they also do crazy things for the potential opportunity to fall in love. I’m willing to admit that I’ve actually traveled to another country in order to meet someone I feel for online. We chatted for about a year and did everything from video and voice chat to talking on the phone to one another for hours. The trip was originally planned in advance, but when I couldn’t take it anymore I decided to book another trip a few days in advance.

I had a fun weekend with him before learning that he wanted to just be friends. The trip back home gave me plenty of time to think. I thought about the times my friends made similar decisions and the main question that came to mind was, What were they thinking? I realized the true power love has over all of us. Even if it isn’t love, attraction can be a very powerful force when it comes to being single.

Do I regret the trip? No, I wouldn’t change a moment because I learned so much about myself that weekend. I learned I was human and how easy it was to be blinded by love. I learned I had an adventurous spirit and the strength of my beliefs. I also learned tons of information about one of the world’s busiest cities. I felt like a princess and a pauper, but I enjoyed it.

I started thinking about this memory when someone from another city caught my attention. He seems like a very attractive soul and we share similar interests and goals. By the time I realized what I was doing, I was planning a trip to a city six hours away. I stopped myself and asked myself if I really wanted to meet a guy I only knew for about a month. My adventurous spirit took a look at reality and I decided to take it slow by texting him. So far, the discussion has been interesting, but I admit the idea of rushing off and meeting someone I don’t know well was a bit crazy.

Love is a risk. Love can be scary and you may end up with your heart broken so many times you need a microscope to collect the pieces. So, before you go chasing after love, I want you to think about something. I want you to think about whether or not you are ready to face the situation without expectations. If you two fall in love, then that’s great. If not, then go out and enjoy life.

Stop Overanalyzing Men and Women

by on June 8th, 2010

In a previous blog entry, I mentioned that women who are single are less likely to gain weight than women in relationships. There is one story that comes to mind about a former friend who met the guy of her dreams. She was so motivated by this relationship she started exercising and eating healthier meals. She dropped one dress size, but her goal was to have the body that she saw in a magazine (don’t get me started, LOL).

A year into their relationship, she came to me very depressed. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, “I’ve lost all this weight for him and he’s gained 10 pounds. I don’t think he loves me anymore!”

I looked at her like she completely lost her mind. I knew the guy personally since he was one of my close friends and I knew he truly loved her. He was under a lot of stress with college, extracurricular activities, and helping her with her personal problems. The last time I saw them it was at their wedding reception, so I doubt the weight gain was due to him not loving her anymore.

We tend to overanalyze everything in life. I do it, and I’m willing to bet many of my fellow readers do it as well. I wonder why we overanalyze people when it comes to potential or current relationships. For example, imagine you gave your phone number to someone. It’s been two days since this gorgeous guy or beautiful goddess met you. Are you the type of person who lets it go and continues living life? Or, do you sit there wondering whether this person ditched you or lost your phone number? Maybe they found someone cuter? Maybe something bad happened? Maybe they became too busy at work? Yet, if they’re too busy working to care about you, then they don’t like you enough to begin with….what’s wrong with you….

What about when that special someone does call? Do you sit there and think to yourself, “Should I call them? I don’t want to seem clingy, but I don’t want them to think I’m not interested. I don’t want to seem desperate, but I really like them and I don’t want them to find someone else. What do I do?”

We tend to overanalyze everything from body language, gestures, sentences, vocal tones, actions, etc. Did he open the door for you? Did she hug you and hug someone else? Nonverbal communication is very important, but analyzing a person down to their word choice can drive even the most rational person insane.

Humans are complicated. We cannot read every single sign and signal that a man or woman sends us. It is important to pay attention to some of the actions, but do not stress over every single behavior. Just be yourself and have fun. If the person likes it then they will let you know. If they do not like it then they will let you know as well. Just be yourself and stop overanalyzing every single person.

Also, while everyone else is busy analyzing whether or not the cutie at the bar is interested in them, go up to him/her and ask. At least you will know for sure and you may possibly beat out the competition :).

Are Single People Thinner?

by on June 7th, 2010

I remember a few years ago, one of my friends got a divorce and basically her life became very difficult to handle. She had to move out on her own with tons of debt and she had to find another job to support herself while paying off all the debt she incurred. Actually, they both created the debt, but for some reason she agreed to buy him things with her credit card if he agreed to pay her back.

A few months later, she was telling me about her life when she mentioned an interesting fact. She noticed after the divorce that she lost weight. Initially, she thought the weight loss was due to her depression, but she managed to keep most of the weight off long after the divorce. She told me that she started focusing on rebuilding her life and part of that was to start exercising and eating healthier foods.

At first, I thought she was lucky, but I thought back to my previous relationship and realized a similar thing. I noticed after the breakup I started focusing more on activities such as martial arts and lost 10 pounds without changing my diet. When I left for college, and the potential promise of more fish in the sea, I ended up losing an extra 10 pounds. I was more motivated to become active with friends, extracurricular activities, and I even started eating healthier meals.

Yes, it was probably another fluke, but there are some theories suggesting that many women who are in long-lasting relationships tend to gain more weight than single women because they feel comfortable with their partners. They start to eat as much as the partners and potentially end up gaining weight. Another theory suggests single people tend to care more about their appearance and they are more likely to focus on staying in shape or remain active.

There are two actual studies on the matter. One study suggests there are periods in a woman’s life in which her weight tends to fluctuate based on life events. For example, a woman is more likely to lose weight when she starts dating an individual, is preparing for marriage, and after her children leave the house. Women are more likely to gain weight when they start feeling comfortable in a relationship and after giving birth to children.

Another study states, over a period of 10 years, women tend to gain 20 pounds if they have a partner and children. The same study claims that women who are have a partner but do not have children gain 15 pounds and women without a partner or children gain 11 pounds. While all three groups did gain a considerable amount of weight, those conducting the study believe that a change in lifestyle patterns was more to blame for the weight gain instead of biological change on the part of the partners.

Does this mean women should break up with their partners in order to lose weight? No. Regardless of the numbers, each person handles breakups and relationships differently. Some people may lose weight after a breakup, but there are individuals who gain weight due to stress or depression from being alone. At the same time, there are women who become more motivated by partners to start exercising and maintaining a healthy weight.

Still, staying in shape should be one of the main priorities on both the single’s list and those who are in committed relationships. After all, if you’re single and you go to the gym then it’s a win-win situation. You will at least benefit from staying in shape and improving your health. Plus, you never know when you will meet an attractive gym instructor who will invite you for some private lessons after class.

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